Mainiax: February 2009

Sunday, February 22, 2009


get on over here for a chance to win a really cute bag and please say you came from here

I really love the green bag  what is your favorite?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

have I ever told you every time I make a friend they move away. So the last few years I have been backing away from meeting or trying to get any new close friends but I did and guess what they moved away. So lets see the person I have known the longest is in Florida she went for very good reasons and I encouraged her, I miss her every day but she is in a good place except when one of us needs a ((hug)). The next person whom I was friends with both her and her husband divorced she moved to N.C. and promised to stay in touch, (nope didn't happen, I tried to reconnect a couple of times recently I tracked her down thru her sons facebook sometimes she responds most of the time not) When she left I stayed very close to her ex we were like brother and sister and I to this day think of him that way and will love him that way until I die a couple of years ago almost now he just stopped communicating with me I sent his kids cards for every birthday, his wife, him their anniversary and got nothing like I didn't exist. Then I meet a new friend through the sister of Rays friend she was the coolest and funnest ever but now she is in Tenn. and the communication is fading. I had to find out her husband is coming up in a couple of weeks on their website I feel like I've lost them too. 
I have other friends now and I'm scared they will move away so to cope I find my self pulling away even though I really don't want to. I have taken every bit of overtime at work I can a double yesterday on my day off, and another on Friday, and next Sunday I work my day off again. yeah we need the money but at the same time I'm lonely. Kinda goes along with my last post of being tired of people maybe I'm really just getting tired of being left. OK I'm done with my sobby but this is why I don't get close to people anymore and am trying to separate myself I cant and wont get hurt any more. Ray always says he wishes I had more friends but I have him and mike and Jamie what more do I need they cant every really leave they are stuck with me.
I do have to say the last couple of weeks with mike have been absolutely wonderful. he is doing great. this week is school vaca we had Monday off together and went out to lunch. I worked Tuesday but Wednesday morning we laid around bed snuggled laughed and talked and I cried after, he said why are you crying mom and all I could say is I love you more every day buddy don't ever forget that because mommy wont. 
well I took an ambien before I started this and I think its starting to work I'm typing slower. Sorry this post is so blah but this is how I feel later. 

update on Friday: just found out another friend is moving to florida in a couple of weeks her daughter is having her first baby she is going down to visit and after the baby is settled she is coming back for her stuff. hey Kat if you see lou lou she will be in Tampa so dont be shocked LOL.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I'm tired

I am tired, tired of councelers, tired of schools, tired of work, tired of cleaning, just tired. I havent been around much visiting friends when I'm not working I'm running to appointments for everything. Yesterday I had to meet with the school phychologist at 745 she is doing a new psych test on Mike, my urinary physical therapist at 11, pick up michael and bring him to the dentist at 1pm. Then at 5 Mikes counceler came over the house to work with us as a family. I kinda snapped at her. by the time she got here I had enough. She said something and I snapped at her I didnt mean to but I really want things back the way they were before Christmas when it was us and the dr only taking care of Michael.

yeah he has a team working for him at school now but really I think this is all to much. the counceler thinks him not wanting to do his homework is an underlying statement about how he feels about himself. mmm you know before he had the reaction to the med we didnt have this "team" and all was good this is all starting to get overwhelming. This Friday we go meet with the psychologist again and if he doesnt spend more then 10 minutes getting to know mike and just plays with his meds and sends us on our way again I'm done. I was given a pamphet for a place in portland I might try and that is a might. Can the kid have to many people working for him. He has his teacher, the behavior specialist, the guidence counceler, the principal,vs principal, school nurse all on his school team. the regular counceler and his psychiotrist. and of course somewhere in all this do where do Ray and I get our say. I feel like we are losing our grip as parents with all this imput I just want to go back to the way it was.
Most of these people dont know him, but they all say they want to help.

now can you understand why I'm done, I have to go do my homework now, just got home from the gym which has become my outlet, I just want to sit here have a good cry and go back to the way things were.
ok I'm done venting later